I’ve coached hundreds of women and everyday I hear you say how much you “just want a good relationship with a good man.”
You worked hard to have a great career, a home you’re proud of and you got it all based on your ability to overcome a tough past and be a go-getter. A good man would be the cherry on top of your ice cream sundae of a lovely life.
WRONG.
And because you’re used to making things happen with your go-getter attitude and perseverance, you assume that bringing this attitude and work ethic to finding a man is a no-brainer.
You learned that planning, strategy and taking massive action gets you the results you want. And that’s very true when it comes to your career, your body and even your children. A take-charge mindset helped you achieve your goals, provide for you and stay in control in a world that can be very unstable and ever changing. You learned that peace, stability and security are external results you work hard for. Take action, prove your value, you’ll get exactly what you want and need.
But this is NOT actually how life works. It seems that way from the outside but it’s not. And it’s DEFINITELY NOT how men, love and relationships work. Allow me to explain.
You were taught that in order to get a loving relationship, you need to get totally clear on exactly the kind of man you want, focus on him and when you spot him, go after him and make him yours. Simple right? #manifestation
You were taught to make a list of all the things you want in a man. (And trust me, I did the same thing. Ugh. Enter eye rolling emoji here) The relationship books said, “See him in your mind’s eye. What does he look like? Is he tall or short? What kind of job does he have? How does he dress? How much money does he make? What kind of car does he drive? Where does he live? Is he spiritual? Blah blah blah….You get it. Details, details all about him.
And poof, your love-to-do list and your perfect-man stats were created in your subconscious.
The 6-6-6 List
He’s 6 feet tall, makes 6-figures and has a 6-pack.
Props to you if you admit that this guy would be super dreamy. (Ain’t no future in yo frontin’ girl!) Society, Hollywood and social media taught you that THIS MAN will give you want: a committed relationship where you’re loved and cared for.
So what do you do? Well if you were like me, you keep your eyes peeled everywhere you go for THIS guy with THESE stats. Because this is what’s gonna make you his wifey and finally get all the loving goodness. Right? Nope. Wrong yet again. This is a recipe for dating disaster.
You were programmed to focus on what a man has and what he can do for you (give you a great relationship that leads to love) and this is ruining your chances at having a wonderful relationship with Mr. Right For You.
Why? Because you’ve been looking at a man as the means to an end. The last puzzle piece to your perfect life. You’ve believed that if he has certain attributes like a great job, income and good looks then he’s gonna be the perfect man to give you a perfect relationship and perfect love. Then you’ll never get hurt and never be alone again. Ahh the sweet smell of certainty and control.
But that’s NOT how love works. It’s not how healthy masculine men work. What I just described is called a transaction.And if you think that’s what true love that lasts entails, you’re sorely mistaken.
It’s no different than if a man wants to feel respect (which IS what he wants) and the way he believes he will have it is if he has a hot successful woman that has sex with him and that he can show off as a status symbol. And let’s be honest, many men do feel this way. They’re so insecure and lack self respect that the way he gains it is by telling himself that if he just has a hot successful woman then he will finally feel respected.
It’s a lie. A manipulation. And when men approach you wanting sex on the first date, you feel it. It’s icky and offensive. Men feel the exact same way when you’re seeing them as a piece to complete your love life puzzle. You look like a predator and he feels like prey. He will run away as quick as he arrived.
The same way you would get offended if a man just used you for sexual pleasure and status to feed his ego and pride, he feels offended when you only see him as a tool to finally feel the security, safety and confidence that a romantic relationship brings.
He feels disrespected right off the bat when he feels your anxious, needy and insecure energy when you talk about dating for marriage on the first few dates or when you want to know “where this is going” and it’s only been a few weeks.
He wants a woman that’s there to get to know him, have fun and see if you’re compatible as friends or for a future romantic relationship. And you should be focused on this too.
The fact that you’re hurried, anxious to impress him and want him to choose you quickly says more about YOU than it does him. A healthy feminine woman is in no rush.
When you’re anxious for love and companionship, you see men, love and relationships as something you need and don’t already have in your life. This creates attachment to anyone you date and you will never attract a healthy masculine man with this energy. He avoids these women.
Dating is for creating connection, not making attachments.
Healthy feminine women already feel love AND they love themselves because they’re living out their purpose through their unique work, contribution and service to the world. They know their worth, understand their value and have created a wonderful life independent of a partner.
Healthy masculine and healthy feminine don’t use partners to feel whole, respected or loved. They already are.
A healthy masculine man wants love and you will never be able to love him and accept him if you don’t love and fully accept yourself first. All the dating strategies in the world won’t fix your lack of self worth, low self value and low standards which is what’s driving your anxious dating.
Love already lives inside of you and you just have to access it. If you don’t feel confident, secure, and super worthy when you’re single or dating, all you have to do is remove all the blocks that are keeping you from feeling loved, confident, secure and very worthy.
But what I want you to walk away with from this post is this.
It’s ok to want a relationship with a man. But when it’s your goal and singular objective, it can a push away the very thing you desire.
You need to learn to see men, love and relationships as a living and breathing entity that are totally available to you NOW.
They become easy to access when you first feel super secure and worthy in yourself independent of a man.
Because it’s that insecurity and lack of love for the life you have now and the person you are now that makes good men stay and bad ones flock to you.
And the healthy masculine men aren’t receptive to you because your masculine protective and performing energy isn’t what he wants. HE needs to pursue you in his slow way but you don’t let him. You’re rushed & he knows it.
You Need 2 Things
1. To know how to attract a healthy masculine man with healthy feminine energy. They date and love TOTALLY different than you expect. Download The Feminine Attraction System HERE so you can stop dating in your masculine and learn exactly how feminine women confidently attract, connect with and choose healthy masculine men.
2. If it feels hard to be in your feminine energy with him, you have deeper masculine energy that needs removing. Masculine energy looks like pursuing, rushing the dating process, trying to impress him with your success, body or beauty, having sex way too soon in the dating process, settling for men that aren’t treating you with care and love or feeling anxious or really nervous while dating.
I help women in my 1:1 coaching and in my group coaching program to learn how to attract masculine men and how to date them with confidence and so much peace.
If these are things you’re struggling with, I know I can help you. Book a free consult and we can discuss the issues you’re having and how my coaching works to help you master your feminine attraction and help you choose Mr. Right.
