She lost the weight but she still felt fat, invisible, anxious and not enough.
He made millions and it never felt like enough. He still felt like a loser. He felt broke. He felt like he had to keep working hard.
She attracted her dream man but she still felt insecure, anxious and couldn’t trust him. She didn’t feel confident that he loved her. She couldn’t trust him and or believe that he really loved her.
She took her side hustle full time and worked even harder and made less.
I made $300k a year and I still lived paycheck to paycheck
Why??
Because you can’t out work your self image.
Because she forced herself into change.
Because she used fear and manipulation to take action.
She used negative self talk, force and coercion to reach her goal.
Why does this matter if hey, they reached her goal?
Who cares…they’re rich, skinny, married, self-employed. Isn’t that the cost of success?
No, it actually isn’t.
The way you get to your goal MATTERS.
Why? Because if you get the guy by “acting feminine”, trying to be the cool girl that goes with the flow and you make yourself not text him because you doesn’t wanna seem anxious….once you “get the guy” you’ll feel ok…but you’ll default back into your typical behaviors of control, over analyzing and feeling insecure with him.
Not because you’re not worthy of him. Not because you’re not smart. Look at you. You’re crazy successful.
But because outside success doesn’t solve an internal lack problem.
Women and men ask me, “can’t I just use hard work and use willpower to achieve my goal?”
Sure, if you can. But many people can’t.
They need to believe it’s possible in order to work towards it.
You’re not gonna build a house if you’re not sure you can make the mortgage each month.
So many people have big goals but have little self esteem that can’t make the goal happen, let alone maintain it and keep it.
Why? Because you’re trying to out work your self image. And you just can’t.
And that’s like trying to out win the casino. Not happening. The house always wins.
When you do that….you might manage to hustle your way into a skinnier body, a new man or an entrepreneurial career. But you didn’t let your subconscious know that the life goals had changed. You silenced her when the doubt, fear and negative self talk (her normal setting) creeped in and you just pulled her along against her will.
It’s because you haven’t become the version of you who knows how to hold it, feel comfortable in this new success.
The version of you who feels great being seen, loved, prosperous, and successful.
The problem isn’t the goal—it’s who you had to abandon to get there.
It’s not that you got skinny or found love or made money.
It’s that you did it while betraying your truth.
You achieved… by becoming someone else.
And now, you’re scared it’s all going to slip through your fingers.
Because deep down, your brain AND your body (mind and subconscious mind) don’t feel safe having what you’ve earned.
It feels like it happened to you, not through you.
Here’s the truth:
When your internal self image doesn’t match your success, your subconscious will find a way to sabotage it.
That’s why the relationship starts to crumble.
That’s why the money goes right back out the door.
That’s why the weight creeps back on.
That’s why you feel emptier than ever even though “you should be happy.”
This is why embodiment matters. Embodiment just means your actions, emotions, and internal self image are aligned. Without that, your success won’t feel real—or last. You won’t feel “worthy” of it. You’ll feel like an imposter. Like a liar. Like he doesn’t really love you. Like you’re not smart or beautiful.
Not just mindset. Not just strategy.
But brain and body safety.
Subconscious alignment.
Emotional truth.
You have to become the woman who lives that life—not just visit her when it’s convenient.
So no, willpower isn’t enough.
Force isn’t enough.
Fear won’t sustain you.
Shame won’t evolve you.
You need a new relationship with your desires.
You need a new story for your self-worth.
You need to rebuild your identity from love—not lack.
That’s when success stops feeling like a fluke.
That’s when you stop chasing and start choosing.
That’s when you stop surviving… and start living.
Let’s break it down a little further.
Your subconscious mind is like a thermostat. It’s always working to keep you in a range that feels normal or safe, based on what you’ve experienced in the past.
So, even if you want more money, love, success, or confidence—if those things feel unfamiliar or “too good to be true” based on your past, your subconscious mind sees them as a threat. As a threat to “who you are.”
So it tries to bring you back down to your old “normal,” even if that “normal” includes stress, chaos, or feeling not good enough. Even if it means going back to a life you’re trying to outgrow and change.
That’s what we call self-sabotage.
Not because you’re weak. Not because you’re broken. But because your subconscious is just doing its job—keeping you in familiar territory. In normal territory.
Here’s the logic:
- The brain likes patterns.
Your subconscious stores all your beliefs, habits, and emotional reactions. It likes repetition and routine. If your past taught you that love = heartbreak, money = stress, or visibility = rejection… then that’s the pattern it protects. - What’s unfamiliar = unsafe.
Your brain’s #1 job is to keep you alive—not make you happy. So it will always choose familiar discomfort over unfamiliar success. Even if success is what you consciously want. - Your self-image creates a ceiling.
If deep down, you believe you’re not worthy, not good enough, or not safe being fully seen, your brain will resist or reject anything that conflicts with that.
You’ll downplay your wins. You’ll feel anxious instead of proud. You’ll start overthinking the relationship, overspending the money, or overworking in your business.
It’s not because you don’t want it. It’s because you don’t feel normal/safe having it.
So until your self-image—the way you see and believe in yourself—matches your goals, your subconscious will always pull you back to what feels normal.
The good news? You can retrain your brain to allow and welcome success.
You can rewire your subconscious to know you’ve upgraded your self-image.
You can make new things feel familiar.
But it takes identity work, not just more effort.
This is why most people don’t achieve or maintain their goals.
It’s why I couldn’t stay married.
A healthy, stable marriage didn’t feel normal to my subconscious even though I wanted it so bad and I had the tools to achieve it. A healthy marriage didn’t match the subconscious emotional wiring I had from childhood, past relationships, or what I believed I deserved. So even though I wanted it, I couldn’t hold it.
And that’s the key:
You have to change your normal—but not through effort, hustle, or pressure.
Not through negative self-talk, fear, or “just trying harder.”
You change your normal by subconscious instruction. That’s all.
That means subconscious rewiring.
It means giving your conscious brain and subconscious mind a new script—and repeating it often enough that it builds new neural pathways.
This is neuroscience, not magic.
You’re literally training your brain to expect, accept, and stabilize the life you’re building. The life that you deserve now that you’ve healed, learned and are skilled.
So instead of:
- Forcing yourself to chase goals,
- Doubting if they’re even possible for you,
- Feeling like an imposter when good things happen,
- Or sabotaging it once you get there…
You become the person who lives that life effortlessly.
That’s how you achieve the goal, enjoy the process, and keep it—without burning out or breaking down.
No more white-knuckling.
No more overthinking.
Just sustainable, embodied success.
Not only will success feel and be inevitable, but the road there will feel easy to do each day and effortless to maintain.
Ready to stop chasing goals you can’t hold?
If you’re done with forcing, fixing, and faking your way through love, success, or self-worth—
If you’re ready to actually become the woman who lives the life she desires—
Then it’s time for a new strategy.
The Open Heart Blueprint is your step-by-step guide to subconscious rewiring, emotional safety, and brain and body confidence.
So you don’t just get the love, the peace, or the life—you keep it, with ease.
No more self-sabotage.
No more imposter syndrome.
No more hustling to feel worthy.
👉 Click here to get The Open Heart Blueprint and finally build the love life that fits.
NEXT STEPS & RESOURCES
Want to know how your subconscious is shaping the way men respond to you?
In my free masterclass, Available For Love, ’ll show you how to rewire your internal patterns (yes — even the ones your mirror neurons are reflecting) so you naturally attract emotionally available, masculine love. Click here to watch the Available For Love free masterclass here.
💛 Ready to rewire your subconscious for long-lasting success?
Inside The Open Heart Blueprint, I walk you step-by-step through reprogramming your love identity & creating a relationship where healthy love feels natural. This is the system I used to become emotional available again and go from guarded to open-hearted even after divorce and heartbreak? Click here to download The Open-Heart Blueprint and start wiring your self-image for long-lasting love.
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