Have you ever found yourself *all in* one day, only to feel totally “over it” the next? It’s that dreaded “ick” that can show up just as you start connecting with someone, and it’s leaving you wondering, *“Will I ever feel that strong, secure love I crave?”*
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. This “push-pull” cycle is a common struggle for women with disorganized attachment. At its core, it’s a response driven by the fear of vulnerability—wanting connection one minute, but pulling back the next to protect yourself from potential pain.
But here’s the thing: this pattern, while it may feel safe in the moment, is actually keeping you from what you truly want. It leads to emotional confusion, distances you from meaningful relationships, and often keeps you single or settling for less than what you deserve.
In fact, here’s a breakdown of why it happens and what it’s really doing to your love life:
Why Do You Get The Ick? What’s Up with the Emotional Whiplash?
With disorganized attachment, your subconscious swings between a craving for closeness and the fear of getting too close. This “ick” response becomes a way of controlling your feelings, protecting your heart—but at a cost.
The Secret Goal Behind Getting “The Ick”
By staying in this cycle, you’re subconsciously trying to avoid getting too attached or risking rejection. It’s a way to create emotional safety, but it’s not actually working.
When “Protecting Yourself” Backfires
Instead of protecting you, this cycle leads to emotional confusion, creating distance rather than intimacy and leaving you feeling even less connected to him.
How This ‘Push-Pull’ Keeps Him at a Distance
When he senses this unpredictability, he may start to feel pushed away, never truly opening up or investing in a future together. This tension keeps him from engaging in the way you desire.
Feeling Stuck on the Dating Rollercoaster?
It’s exhausting to go back and forth, feeling interested one day and “off” the next. This leaves you feeling alone, disappointed, and as if lasting love is out of reach.
Trying to Keep Your Heart Safe? Totally Get It.
It’s only natural to want to feel secure. When you have disorganized attachment, the “ick” feels like the best way to protect yourself, even though it’s not working.
Why It’s Keeping You Single
This push-pull pattern reinforces insecure attachment, preventing you from experiencing a stable, secure relationship. It’s a vicious cycle that keeps you single or settling for situations that don’t fulfill you.
Want off the disorganized roller coaster? Here’s How Secure Women Do It
Imagine dating with the calm confidence of a secure woman. Instead of letting “the ick” derail her, she gracefully manages her emotions, fully aware that no one is perfect. She doesn’t let minor imperfections shake her confidence or connection. This ease lets her enjoy the moment and stay true to herself, naturally attracting a man who values her for who she is.
**The Secret to Breaking the Cycle? Building Secure Attachment aka Transforming Your Core Love Design**
In my group coaching program, **Segura**, we dive into the transformative journey of rewriting your Core Love Design—the subconscious blueprint that shapes how you show up in love. Through this process, you’ll:
– **Master Detached Dating:** This is the key to attracting a secure, masculine man who sees your worth and invests in you naturally.
– **Practice Conscious Choosing:** You’ll learn to select a partner based on the five C’s: *character, compatibility, connection, consistency,* and *commitment.* These elements guide you to a relationship that fits your future vision, rather than being driven by old family patterns from the past.
Imagine having the freedom to date with ease, confidence, and the calm energy that naturally draws in the right partner. Detached dating isn’t about “playing hard to get”; it’s about standing in your secure femininity and letting love unfold effortlessly.
Feeling torn between wanting closeness and needing distance? That’s the tug of disorganized attachment. 🖤
When you’re unsure why you’re ‘into him’ one day and repelled the next, it could be a symptom of this attachment style. Identifying your attachment style is the very first step to understanding and healing your relationship patterns.
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
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