Some women have problems attracting men. 

Not my clients.

My clients are beautiful, smart, independent and successful women. Men think they’re a catch. Duh. There’s no shortage of men in their world.

And if you’re like them (which I assume you are if you’re reading this post) attracting men has never been an issue for you either.

What IS a problem is the type of man you’re saying yes to. 

Enter…Mr. Potential.

You know the man I’m talking about. Again, it’s why you’re reading this post right now. But allow me to refresh your memory.

Cute. Nice. Pays attention to you.

He checks a lot of the boxes on your ideal man list OR he has a lot of love to give. Either one, you fall quickly and move fast.

It moves fast. It feels good. It feels right. 

The dopamine’s dopamining and the oxytocin is flowing. You can’t get him out of your mind or out of your bed. Next thing you know you’re singing Celine Dion songs in the shower cuz you’re his lady and he’s your man.

But after a few months of honeymoon happiness, the love fog starts to clear and you’re awake and aware that he’s not what he promised. Did he promise though?

The sexy, charismatic man you initially wanted now seems lacking and incapable of loving you right let alone lead your future family.

How did you miss this? You’re smart. You’re so organized and all about the details everywhere else. Maybe you’re wrong? Or your standards are too high?

So you stay with him. You must be PMS’ing. You’re just nitpicking.  After all, he has so many other great qualities that you love.

Wasted time or wasted potential?

Nothing changes. You’re turned off and all you can think about is how much you do, how different you both are and what you’ll never have in the future as a result of his untapped potential.

You feel like you’ve wasted your time, energy, money and love. Eventually you breakup and go your separate ways. You’re left frustrated, feeling betrayed but also a bit embarrassed because if you’re honest, you saw these traits in him from the start. He never tried to hide them. He was open about who he was

You just made excuses why he wasn’t fully set up in his life. There were just a few things he was working on then he’d be perfect. In fact, you thought being in his life was sure to motivate and inspire him to step into his potential and be ready for a relationship.   

You had so much empathy and hope for him, you thought you could change him and help him. He never did anything “bad” per se, and that’s why it never made sense to break up. You’d always talk yourself out of it and just stayed with him. 

You were torn between the part of you that loved him and wanted to be loved versus the part of you that knew he didn’t have the skills, real interest and maturity need from man for a relationship to thrive and last.

The relationship became a PROJECT that you worked hard to help and change because you believed that if those things were fixed, you would finally have the perfect man that loves you and leads you.

Your empathy for his situation, hope for change, and innocent need for love and attention overrode your intuition and clear signs of incompatibility.

So why do you keep settling for potential?

Plain and simply…..You’ve been picking these men from attachment instead of connection.

Each is drastically different, driven by different root beliefs and each gives you totally different results = men with potential or men that fully deliver on their promises.

When you attach to a man it’s driven by fear, done with subconscious autopilot behavior and done from the feelings of scarcity and lack.⁣

⁣When you connect to a man, it’s driven by love, done with conscious decision making and done from the feelings of sufficiency and abundance.⁣

⁣Why does attachment happen? ⁣

⁣You attach to a man when you lack a sense of love and security in yourself and in your own life.⁣

⁣This makes you feel a deep need for love and security and these men, the potentials, well, they’re notorious for making you feel like you can get it if you’re with them. ⁣

⁣Attaching vs connecting…well it’s the difference between being starving & anxiously looking for food VERSUS being totally full and really calm and satisfied. ⁣

⁣Only here, you feel hungry for love and a sense of safety and security. ⁣

⁣This deep need for love and security can make you easily susceptible to attaching to a man if he shows signs of providing security, providing love or if he feels safe & familiar. ⁣

⁣It’s a mix of you feeling deep attraction and interest because he has traits or assets that make you believe he’d be a great provider/leader, you feeling wanted and loved because he’s paying a lot of attention to you and you feeling comfortable because this dynamic feels familiar so you feel somewhat safe and in control. ⁣

⁣This is not your fault. So much of this is a result of not receiving the love, security and safety you needed as a child. ⁣

⁣This is never intentional. But if you had a caregiver that was absent because he or she worked a lot, was emotionally unavailable due to their own mental illness, unwell due to physical illness, passed away, or wasn’t present because parents divorced, this can create a sense of lack or not enough love, security or safety. ⁣

⁣The good news? You can stop attaching to the wrong men and completely transform your taste in men so you finally choose healthy secure men you respect and can rely on.

I help women do this everyday in my private coaching and in my new upcoming program, Segura.

RESOURCES

STOP dating like the world & date according to The Word. There isn’t a shortage of Godly men out there. You’ve just been attracting and picking the wrong ones because you’ve been using a worldly strategy. It’s time you experienced the love God wants for you. Segura is the program where I share how I believe you can  date, connect with and choose to the right man for you.  Click here to download the program now. 

Join the private Segura community HERE. The private community is where we unpack the Segura program, do live Q&A each Thursday at 12 noon PST and I teach the value of singleness, how to achieve joy in singleness and how your faith and God’s Word helps you be the best woman you can be.

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