A conversation we need to have about identity, not institutions.

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Let me just say this upfront, woman to woman.

There is a lot of noise online right now.
And if you’re a woman who actually wants love, who values partnership, who lights up at the idea of building a life with a good man, this noise can feel… confusing. Heavy. Even a little destabilizing.

Suddenly you’ve got influencers telling you married women are miserable and single women are living their best life.
You’ve got authors preaching that marriage is outdated and life threatening.
You’ve got TikToks saying men are the problem, commitment is a trap, and partnership is a liability.

And honestly, it’s getting extreme.

But here’s the truth that almost no one is saying, and I really want you to hear this without fear, guilt, or shame.

The reason many married women are unhappy has nothing to do with the institution of marriage.
It has everything to do with the identity they walked into marriage with.

Most women didn’t marry from confidence and clarity.
They married from insecurity, pressure, loneliness, culteral norms, religious oppression, poverty, or the hope that a relationship would fix something they didn’t know how to heal.

That’s not a marriage issue.
That’s an identity issue.

And once you see that, the whole narrative starts to fall apart.

This messaging creates doubt in women who are married to good men.
It creates suspicion and caution in women who are dating.
And it creates this weird sense of grandiosity in single women, like “thank God I didn’t end up trapped like them.”

The enemy is having a field day with this division.

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Where things really took a turn online

If we’re being honest, the division got louder when that now-viral meme started circulating, the one where a woman “tests” her husband by saying she can’t afford the mortgage this month, and he responds confused because… she never pays the mortgage. People were laughing, celebrating, sharing. It was a glimpse into the kind of relationship dynamic where a man happily provides because he genuinely wants to love, support, and take care of his wife.

It highlighted good men. Men who enjoy providing.
Men who don’t need their wives to produce or perform to be worthy of love.

But the reaction from many single, independent women who pay their own mortgage or rent and are honestly tired of it, was intense and defensive.

Instead of seeing this as evidence of what’s possible, it was dismissed as delusion. Instead of celebrating these women, people accused them of lying or hiding misery. It went from a harmless joke to full-blown projection.

And then it escalated even further when that article went viral—the one where the author claimed it’s “embarrassing to have a boyfriend.” Let’s be honest, her entire argument was built on interviews with women who were already unhappy in their relationships. That’s like asking people who hate their jobs if working is worth it.

Of course they’re going to say no.

Her reticular activating system was in overdrive. She believed relationships were embarrassing, so she unconsciously went out and found only women who would confirm it.
Not married women who are happy.
Not women in healthy partnerships.
Not women who love their husbands.

Just women who were already struggling.

So why would we listen to someone who doesn’t even have the thing we want?
Why take relationship advice from someone who’s not in a thriving relationship themselves?
Why let the blind lead the blind?

This is the exact moment the algorithm swallowed the nuance.

Instead of thinking, “Wow, this meme shows what healthy partnership can look like,” the reaction became:
“All marriages are miserable.”
“All relationships are traps.”
“All men will cheat or destroy your life.”

It’s a stretch.
It’s dramatic.
And it’s spiritually destructive.

Because it doesn’t come from truth. It comes from a perspective fueled by pain.

Instead of seeing another woman’s blessing as evidence that good men exist, some women took it as a threat. Instead of feeling inspired, they felt attacked. Instead of celebrating what’s possible, they sabotaged the message.

And let’s be honest, the enemy loves this. He loves dividing men and women. He loves turning women against partnership. He loves planting doubt in the hearts of women who want love. He did it in the garden, and he’s doing it again in 2025 through memes, content, and cultural rhetoric.

This narrative is not from God.

Back to the core message

Does marriage require work? Yes.
Does it require compromise? Yes.
Does it require terrifying levels of honesty and vulnerability? Absolutely.

But influencers aren’t glorifying singleness the way God celebrates it.
They’re glorifying isolation.
And isolation idolized is not empowerment.
It is separation.
It is confusion.
It is spiritual warfare dressed up as “self-love.”

Men are good because God made them, and everything He made is good.

Are there men with broken, distorted, or hardened hearts? Yes.
Are there men who were never shown how to lead, love, protect, or provide because they lacked fathers, guidance, or emotional formation? Yes.

But that is a heart issue, not a gender issue.
It is an identity issue, not a relationship issue.

When your identity is broken, love feels scary.
When your identity is unstable, commitment feels risky.
When your identity is unhealed, marriage looks like the enemy instead of the mirror.

But here’s what I want to tell you, woman to woman:

Do not let this viral narrative convince you that your desire for partnership is naïve or outdated.
Do not let online noise make you suspicious of good men.
Do not let fear steal what God designed to be beautiful.

Marriage is not broken.
People are.
Identities are.
Hearts are.

And when identity is healed, when the heart is grounded, when a woman knows who she is and what she brings…
Marriage becomes what it was always meant to be:

A covenant.
A partnership.
A refining, strengthening, growing, deeply sacred connection between two imperfect humans learning to love well.

If you want love, you are not wrong.
You’re not behind.
You’re not delusional.
You’re not “missing the memo.”

You’re just hearing God more clearly than the algorithm.

It’s my mission to create more love and connection in this world. And i do this by helping women build strong self identities. 

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NEXT STEPS & RESOURCES

If you’re a woman who knows she’s meant for more, who has already proven her capability, and who wants the internal certainty to match the love life she’s creating… The Self Image Reset Guide explains exactly how to do it. Click here to download the free guide.

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