Many women live under the weight of an unspoken belief: that in order to be loved, they must prove their worth, fix those around them, or change themselves to fit someone else’s expectations. This belief often leads to exhaustion, resentment, and heartbreak. But what if I told you that Jesus never asked this of you?
There’s a Bible verse that’s often misinterpreted when it comes to love:
“Love your neighbor as yourself.” — Matthew 22:39
On the surface, many women take this to mean: *I need to love and give to others so that I will be loved in return.* They believe their value is tied to how much they pour into others—how much they sacrifice, help, or make people happy. But that’s not what Jesus was actually saying.
The Key to Loving Others: Loving Yourself First
Jesus didn’t say, *Love your neighbor so that you will be loved.* He said, *Love your neighbor as yourself.* That means the way you love and treat yourself sets the standard for how you will love others.
If you lack self-love, self-respect, and self-worth, it’s likely that your relationships will reflect that. You may:
– Over-give in hopes of earning love.
– Stay in unhealthy relationships because you don’t believe you deserve better.
– Lose yourself trying to fix others, thinking it’s your job to make them whole.
– Accept mistreatment because deep down, you don’t value yourself.
The issue isn’t that you aren’t loving your neighbor enough—it’s that you aren’t loving *yourself* enough first.
Jesus’ Love Model: Receiving First, Then Giving
Jesus himself modeled the right order of love. He first received love from the Father and knew His worth. He never hustled for approval or chased after people who rejected Him. Because He was filled with love, He was able to pour out love—freely and without expectation.
This is the shift we need to make as women:
1. **Receive God’s love for you first.** Let it define your worth, not your actions or relationships.
2. **Love yourself as God loves you.** That means setting boundaries, valuing your time, and treating yourself with kindness.
3. **From that place, love others.** Not from a place of lack, but from a place of abundance.
When you truly understand your worth, you stop trying to prove it. You stop over-giving, over-compromising, and over-explaining. You love freely, but you no longer tolerate relationships that drain or diminish you.
Love Should Never Cost You Yourself
If your love for someone requires you to shrink, suffer, or sacrifice your own well-being, that’s not love—it’s self-abandonment. God never called you to love others at the expense of yourself. Instead, He calls you to love others *the way you love yourself.*
So, if you find yourself in a pattern of giving, fixing, or proving in order to be loved, stop and ask:
– Am I loving myself the way God loves me?
– Do I believe I am worthy, even when I’m not doing or giving anything?
– Am I setting the standard for how I want to be loved?
You Are Already Enough
You don’t have to prove yourself.
You don’t have to fix others.
You don’t have to change to be loved.
You are already worthy of love—because God says so.
Start loving yourself the way He does, and watch how your relationships transform.
RESOURCES
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NEXT STEPS & RESOURCES
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