I used to think men would want to be with me or fall in love with me if …I was beautiful, successful, super easygoing, super nice or giving.

So I believed I had to show him what I have to offer or what I can do for him.

When I liked a guy, I would make it clear that I was interested in him.

So I would text him, call him, ask him out on dates so he would know I liked him. I thought this made his dating life easier for him. Look at me being all helpful. You know, I justified it by thinking “I don’t play games. I’m just making it clear that I’m interested so he won’t have to overthink, question it or worry.” 

Look at me, being all helpful.

I wanted him to know that being with me would mean LESS WORK for him. 

I wanted him to see that I could pull my own weight. That I had a lot to offer. That I would make his life better. Again, that his life would be easier with me in it. That I would bring value to him. So he would see me as an asset to his life and not a liability.

So on dates and in conversations with him…I made sure to talk about how I loved my exciting career and all the money it earned me. I explained how it afforded me the ability to have my own home in a gated community, a nice car, and the luxuries I bought myself.

But instead of inspiring him, I noticed something strange: 

– He became less motivated to see me or text me.

– He stopped leading or putting in effort.

– He seemed turned off, withdrawn, or not interested in me anymore.

I was so confused. I thought men wanted feminine, yet strong, ambitious and independent women?

I thought these actions and traits were helpful:

– Caring for him = showing love.

– Taking charge = making things easier for him.

– Being easygoing = keeping the peace.

What I didn’t know was, in reality…. I was:

– Taking away his opportunities to give and lead.

– Lowering my standards, which made him feel unchallenged.

– Hiding my needs, which made him feel disconnected.

Here’s what I didn’t know: 

– Men want to feel like capable and strong to show up as their best.

– They thrive when they feel trusted, respected, and challenged—not taken care of.

– When you do too much for a man, it unintentionally robs him of the chance to win with you.

When a man feels like a winner, he:

– Pursues you with purpose.

– Steps into his masculine role of leading and providing.

– Feels deeply connected and invested in the relationship.

– Goes out of his way to meet your standards.

When I stopped trying to do it all and embraced what I now call, The Winner Method, everything changed:

– I communicated my standards and gave him space to rise to them.

– I focused on receiving instead of overgiving.

– I trusted him to lead, and he did.

This shift made all the difference—not just for me, but for him too.

This is NOT about changing who you are.

It’s not about NOT WORKING, making less money, being a stay at home wifey, having sex all the time, or being a doormat or little miss perfect. This is about shifting how you’re showing up with him so he wins AND you win.

Want to unlock the secret to bringing out the winner in him so he feels like a champion, pursues you like the prize ? 💪

Click HERE to listen to this week’s Blooming Podcast episode titled, “I Used to Bring Out the Worst in Men…Now I Bring Out the Winner in Them”

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