One of the biggest reasons dating can make you anxious is because you’re way too focused on his thoughts and not your own.
You’re qualifying him for the most highly coveted position in your life: your partner.
Start acting like it and pay attention.
While you’re busy wondering if he likes your dress or thinks you’re pretty, he’s studying you closely to decide if he’s asking you out for date numero dos.
Men are logical, simple, and linear. If he likes how he feels with you tonight, he’s not saying goodbye without booking the next date. You need to do the same.
Dating is data-ing.
Collect it all and review it later like it’s your JOB.
Stay present, aware and sober. Of course you can have fun but you should also have facts about him that help you know if he’s getting a kiss or a “no” to his request for the next date.
So get out of your head and into your body.
Your gut will always tell you the truth and warn you if there are red flags. Your feelings are important too. Notice how you feel around him. Keep good eye contact, listen to what he says and watch what he does. Is he kind to the server, drink too much or have a great work story you can connect over?
Need help staying focused on him and not your personal dating narration in your mind?
The moment you feel yourself drifting into overthinking, touch your glass of wine, name the color of his shirt or adjust the napkin on your lap. These will ground you and refocus your attention on the present moment.
You’re not there to impress him.
Your job is simply to be yourself and allow him to be himself. This is the only way you learn the truth about each other and be able to make an educated decision whether he’s someone you’d like to continue to invest your time with.
It can feel flattering and affirming to be liked by a man.
It can also be exciting to date a man that you like, are attracted to and has a lot of the qualities you’re looking for in a partner.
But often times this can cause you to go into this “convincing” energy. It can come off as “pick me” energy, this “please choose me” feeling and it’s hurting, not helping you.
When you’re focused on what he thinks about you, it can cause you to feel nervous, extra flirty, too talkative or not talking enough.
It can cause him to pull back because he feels your low-key desperation.
You must remember that dating is data-ing.
You are collecting information about him so you can decide if he’s someone you’d like to continue getting to know and have in your life.
He’s not your husband. This isn’t love at first sight. You don’t have to make a final decision tonight.
But if you believe this is your only chance at love or he’s the best you’re gonna get, you will put way too much pressure on him and this opportunity.
It’s like being broke, needing a job and after months of no responses you finally go on an interview at a company.
But just because you need the money, doesn’t mean this company is the right fit for you.
What if this business wants you to do duties that you have absolutely no skill level for, are completely immoral and dangerous to your life?
You’ll probably turn it down.
But because you’re so focused on your lack of money, you neglect to consider everything the job entails that in the long run can really hurt you.
In the beginning, you must get to know him, who he is and what him being in your life will mean FOR YOU.
You are choosing a man that will fill the role of one of the most important people in your life: your life partner.
Realize that the same way you were picky about choosing a career for the hours, place and salary, you need to be just as focused on who he is and what YOU want in a relationship.
If this feels difficult to do, you may find it hard to practice detachment in dating. What’s detachment? I’m gonna give you all the details tomorrow on the Blooming Podcast so make sure you don’t miss it!
LET’S CONNECT
Go beyond small talk and create a connection that peaks his interest and keeps him thinking of you. Click here to download my free guide 100 Irresistible Questions to Spark His Curiosity & Keep Him Hooked.
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