In this week’s episode, I share the concept of Rupture, Repair & Reconnection.
This is an amazing tool/practice to use in your relationships when you have conflict.
Rupture is when there is a disconnection between two or more people. Usually when someone is threatened or hurt in some way.
Repair is the process I suggest my client use (and I use!) to resolve conflict with a partner or loved one.
- Express yourself. When you feel hurt, upset, disrespected, etc by a partner, it’s important to let your partner know how you feel and how you felt when they did what they did. Be specific. “When you did XXX, I felt XXX.” No need to accuse or make assumptions here. Just state your feelings. Here you can also explain why the circumstance created a rupture in your connection. Maybe you were triggered or felt disrespected. Whatever it is, express it with clarity.
- Express what you need. This is where you can explain what, if anything, needs to happen or change in order for you to feel safe and connected to them again. Maybe it’s an apology that you can request, a simple acknowledgment of the situation or a change in behavior. Whatever it is, be clear and honest.
- Set a boundary if necessary. “If you do this, I will do that.” Be prepared to follow through if and when the boundary is broken. Set your boundary accordingly.
Reconnection is when you and your partner or loved one can come together again after the conversation and feel safe and connected again. Bring in that ventral vagal energy!
This is different for everyone. Maybe it’s a big hug and kiss. Maybe its a date night that evening. Maybe its cuddling on the couch watching a movie. Maybe you make love. Whatever works for you two!
Important things to know
Below is a list of things that I believe are essential to know about your partner to have a trauma informed approach to your relationship.
- Each other’s past traumas and attachment wounds.
- Each others triggers
- Each others attachment style
- Each others love language
What you will discover:
- How your past trauma and attachment style effect your triggers with a partner
- How trauma informed approach heals your insecure attachment!